Forgiveness

Sparkle Cleanse Day 15 - Treat Yo Self Day 54

6 Steps to Sparkle

Inspired by Kris Carr., (2011) Crazy Sexy Diet. CT: Globe Pequot Press

1. Inspiration: "Let's be real. Sometimes forgiveness can feel like a four-letter cuss word. We all have a hard time letting go of people, memories, and situations that hurt us. But holding on to the grudges keeps us prisoner. Wanna liberate? Choose peace. It's a one-way ticket to wellness. This doesn't mean you have to invite your enemy to dinner and hug or that you should dismiss abuse or neglect. It means that your health is your first priority and anything that blocks the flow has got to go! Release the negative emotions that fester and lower your vitality. Forgive.
         Sometimes the hardest thing to forgive is your body. Perhaps you feel that it has betrayed you in some way. Try to reframe the issue. If it were a professor, what would it be trying to teach you? Become aware of the lesson.
         If you can, forgive your family, friends, enemies, cells, bones, tissues, and most importantly yourself."  
2. Focus: Write a list of people, situations, and body parts that you need to forgive.
3. Prayer: Help me to let go of the pain and forgive.
4. Affirmation: Through the power of forgiveness all emotional and physical obstacles melt away. I embrace my past and look forward to my future. Today I forgive.
5. Body Movin': Take fun seriously. Plan for it. Put it on the calendar. Fun is nonnegotiable, and fun help you to do what? Forgive! Try rebounding. Jumping on a mini-trampoline burns about 100 calories in fifteen minutes. That's nothing to sneeze at. Trampoline playtime moves trapped fat of our tissues, cells, and thighs. Blast your favorite tunes and bounce to the sky. If you can't invest in a tramp at this time, buy a jump rope and "Skip to My Lou, my darlin'."
6. Tip: Make your own trail mix. Dried fruits like goji berries are low glycemic, and because they have the same transit time they combine well with nuts. Try goji, raw macadamias or cashews, mulberries, and some raw cacao nibs. Call it Forgiveness Trail Mix and enjoy some while blessing the experiences that make you the strong person you are today.

My Reflection:

      On Sunday I was prepping for this week’s cleanse and the Treat Yo Self daily blog and this blog is by far the hardest I’ve ever had to write. Even with the various shifts and changes with food I've made; I’ve felt powerful and eager to embrace what each day brought. But the idea of forgiveness had me shaking in my high heels. Was I feeling guilty about the changes I’ve made with my parents; scared that if I forgave them it meant everything that happened in the past was ok? And what do I forgive about my body?

      So as I sat with these questions, I was lunching with my best cleanse friend on Monday and we talked about forgiveness. As the conversation continued, clarity arose: forgiveness has stages, similar to the 5 Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. There may be some things that I am able to easily forgive fully and wholeheartedly moving through all 5 stages with ease. And then there may be other things where only a tiny, dim light will shine and will take time, love and patience.

      When I woke up this morning an overwhelming feeling rushed through my body - I knew today was the day I begin forgiving and I was scared. This by far has been my most challenging post as well as day of my entire Treat Yo Self Cleanse. Even my Big, Beautiful Confectionary Wall post was easier to write than this post.

      Today I would forgive my choices, myself, and my body. Today I would take time to forgive, to be patient and sympathetic to the journey I am on. That I am exactly where I am meant to be and that something inside of me wants to be acknowledged, loved and forgiven. Forgiveness exposes feelings - feelings which have been buried for a long time and my post about feelings gave insight to the depth in which I fought to avoid feeling. I was scared to feel my feelings, afraid to know that food, my desire for children and any guilt towards following my intuition when in comes to making choices was being looked at under a microscope.
      I needed to find support and really feel my emotions. After a few long talks with myself (yep, I talk to myself) I was able to acknowledge that I was scared and I forgave myself for being so scared. How sad that my knee-jerk reaction to my true emotions was to be scared and try to shove them down. So I forgave myself - I released this old pattern, which I no longer need and supported myself saying: "whatever you feel - is ok."
      As I selected my outfit, I made sure to put the most beautiful sparkles on and placed my dragonfly broach on my sweater. And on the ride in I listened to P!nk's 'Glitter In the Air' and it helped to ground me and my emotions. And as I walked by Bachman's, I knew I needed to buy the beautiful yellow and red sunflowers. 
      When I began my journey of Inspiring Happiness last May, I believed the only way I could be happy was to create life and have a baby. As I've journeyed with my infertility I've come to accept that while my body is unable to bring a child into the world at this time, I am able to create life - I'm doing it every day and for this I forgive my body and myself.

      This cleanse means more than changing my relationship with food; it’s about my whole being and each part wanting to be loved and nourished – even forgiven. I forgive that during a time in my life when it was too painful to process my emotions, I chose food to cover the feelings and by doing this my body increased in weight and was unhealthy. 

      In July 2011, I set very strong and important boundaries with my family and I am finally ready to release the guilt I have occasionally carried around with these choices and forgive myself. I made them because I felt unsafe and I needed time to heal.