Three years ago my blogging journey began here on the Inspiring Happiness Project and while I was unsure of what I would write or where I would grow, I knew this was the platform for something truly beautiful. It took me time to discover my voice, though as I wrote into the darkness, light was revealed. My blog became a sacred place of healing.
What this new blog had to offer was something different. I could stop being reminded of who I was. Stop being "the one" who worked hard to work through her "stuff". And people wouldn't know my past or all of the struggles I had. Simply put: I no longer wanted to wear the badges of courage I'd earned. They only reminded me of the pain I experienced with depression, anxiety, infertility and emotional eating. The self-made prison of shame held me captive and I'd grown tired of needing new tools to increase my happiness. I found fault in my humanness. I'd become so afraid of my realness that I wanted to shut it down and "be perfect".
And so today I write through those prisons. No longer holding myself, my gifts and my light hostage. It's in the vulnerablty to write and courage to share that a light shines brightly and the keys to let me out are found. And while my negative mind talk has me thinking I'll be "rejected, unloved and alone" by sharing that I need to work through shame, perfectionism and honoring my humanity, I've found something else. The truth is, I've been on the receiving end of compassion and love. And I like to believe it's because there are people out there, like me, who just want to know they will be embraced and loved for who they are, even when they are at their most human, beautifully messy selves.
The New Blog
While I'm sure my new blog would have brought me joy and met a need in my life, it wasn't really what I needed. Connection, honoring and embracing my humanness was. One day I'll write on that new blog and when I do, it will because I am ready to do so, not because I am running away from something.
So sweet girl, sweet blog, sweet readers, for now, this is where I choose to write, honoring my past, my patterns and my humanness with compassion and love. Because until I change myself and embody the richness of my life, my gifts, my journey and my humanity, no amount of blogs will fulfill my life.
So I return to my heartglow center with this blog where my intentions shine brightly.
I want to inspire others to live in their authenticity
To live a passionately curious life.
To encourage growth in areas where one feels stuck.
To learn new tools to be mindful, self-compassionate and self-loving.
To recognize when a comfort zone has stopped feeling comfortable and trust the process of stepping beyond it.
To say, "hey, I'm human too. I get opportunities to choose how to respond to life triggers. And here's what I've discovered about myself along the way."
I want to change someone's life in a positive and loving way.
What I want... is to change and live mine!
With Love, Jan Lynn
