3: The Plan

Poem: The Garden Rooms

It's about setting a hope out into the world, Just to see what happens

A few are easy and already starting to blossom Though that's the best place to start, right?

Because the others, well, they pull on the heart or maybe the head?

And I find the seedling has only been planted.

Wanting the experience to be meaningful, trying to find a way to share what is real

The beautiful vulnerability and trust that my own feelings of shame are a choice

And if I think there must be no other way, then that is what I will create

Painted into a corner, Seemingly no way out, Though this is my room

The choice to venture in, to escape, to ignore, Are all mine

Maybe today I just acknowledge the room? Stand outside in the hallway and breathe

Maybe in the next day (or week or month) Or really, however long it takes

I'll take out the key, Conveniently located in my heart

And I'll open to the memories, the emotions, the gifts

And should I feel corned, remind myself,  Just as I chose to be here, I can choose to leave

When the time is right, I'll know it, 

Just as my seedlings blossom only when they've received nourishment of

The sun, the shade, The earth, the protection, They will grow

My intuition will only lead me into a room prepared with nourishment of

Support and love

The Plan

When a challenge, presented with love, comes my way, momentum is sparked. Doorways that weren't there, or were at least those that were closed, are opened and new opportunities for me to learn come in. I find more willingness to explore and play in the sandbox of creation and when the idea of sharing for 15 days came in, I accepted the challenge. 

Anyone who knows me, understands (and accepts) my love for organization and paying attention to details. And while structure is appreciated, it is sometimes an excuse for safety or a derailer when it's not happening as planned. With this being the 3rd post, I found myself wanting to capture the broader picture of my creative work, this calendar now travels with me to support this. My plan (which my structured self loves) is to write down notes in my day and to take notice of moments that are truly beautiful (which my heart appreciates), to acknowledge the gifts and when it comes time to write, these are my inspiration.

So today (before this whole calendar idea came in) I found myself jotting down notes on pieces of paper. Is this how other writers do it? It felt right, so I went with it. Jasna, my Life Coach asked me to pay attention to any books, music, websites and conversations that came my way and pay attention I did. 

I began reading: I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't) by Dr. Brené Brown, exploring shame and how it often keeps us from telling our own stories, silencing our voices and secrets out of the fear of disconnection. Read more in Integrative Nutrition by Joshua Rosenthal, appreciating that I read beyond the heavy (heady statistics) of the first chapter. Finding the heart of the book I connect with the most, "by learning to listen to your body and developing an understanding of what foods it needs and when it needs them, you will discover what is best for you." And though I've come along way in picking up these signals in my own body, honoring what gluten & dairy do to my body (migraines and intense stomach aches), the potato chips, Enjoy Life Chocolates and even the unsalted nuts are sending me signals and truth be told, I've been ignoring them for the last few weeks (ok, months) (there, now that I've gotten that out of my shame bucket - I can move forward). I also took action on some other beautiful pieces that I'd been sorting out in my head (heart was ready) and signed up for a class at Green Lotus Yoga & Healing Center that peaked my interest. And as I sat across from my lunch date today, I saw the mirror reflected, my journey and truly how far I've come. Their words of encouragement, support and honoring all of it reminded me how beautiful life is with all of the seasons. Seasons of birth, growth & vibrant life, falling away and beginning again. And now, as I head into my next season, my ignited passion allows me to embrace even more, to welcome life, the moments and find peace and clarity in the gifts of love.

With Love, Jan