Before There is an After

I've gone back and forth on sharing these photos. The myriad of reasons only is keeping me in a box that I'm no longer comfortable staying in, so here it goes, stepping outside of my comfort zone!

Rule #3: Photo Submission

One of the rules for the #90DayChallenge is to take "Before" photos wearing the sea foam green wrist band. These will be submitted at the end of the 90 days with the "After" photos. The problem I'm having isn't with following the rules or even creating and sharing "Before and After" photos. The issue I'm facing is that I don't have the "After" photos yet, I haven't reached the end of my 90 Days and well, I'm showing more of myself.

Afraid that I'd be judged, criticized or laughed at, I wanted to wait until AFTER the 90 Day Challenge. I also wanted to wait until I had a side by side comparison, the proof that I have made progress. Because I wanted certainty that the #90DayChallenge has indeed been "worth it." But, I'm not there, in fact it's only in the first week of the challenge.

Love My Body, Love Myself

I am focusing on going to the gym, participating in a group fitness boot camp and supporting myself to make a change. With my primary intention to transform, PERIOD. The physical changes will manifest as I work out, my muscles will become defined and strong, though what I also want, is to transform HOW I feel and WHAT I think about my body.

When I got my "❤ This" tatu, that was my physical manifestation, my "finish line" so-to-speak of my journey with loving my arm. I worked hard to embrace the beauty, to shift the energy and this was a process. I was asking myself to STOP with the negative and hurtful and START with the positive and loving. 

So now, here I am, sharing the start of my journey and asking myself to make a shift and love myself even more.

Listen, I know what you might be thinking, "you've come so far and you're still criticizing yourself?" Yes! I still spend time, granted it's become less, criticizing my body and myself. Yes, I know I went from a size 28 to a size 14, that I've transformed 130 pounds and that I feel and look so much better. Though there are parts I cover up, intentionally, because they hold a place of shame for me. My stretch marks, my stomach that looks one way when I stand and another when I sit and my thighs that hold extra skin. It's all there, the things I say and the feelings I have about my body.

Reclaimation

This post is about shifting the negative and hurtful and pouring in the positive and loving. To celebrate where I am at today and rather than "waiting until... (I've reached the 90 days or I've seen a physical change.)" I'm sharing, today. I'm done waiting, because I know I'll be missing out on something really beautiful in this journey of mine, if I do.

Yes, I know this 90 Day Challenge will be work. It is a process of shifting energy and honestly, I don't know HOW I'll get to the end. Equally, I don't know WHAT I will learn, WHO I will connect with, WHERE I will grow or WHAT roadblocks I'll encounter, HOW I will overcome or WHAT amazing new opportunities will present themselves for me. The only thing I know, is that I'm showing up, willing to transform.

With courage, I share the "Before" there is an "After".

Before I've reached the finish line of my 90 Day Challenge. 

Before I know and understand how important this journey is.

Before I have transformed how I feel and what I think about my body.

Here I am.

February 2015 - NOW
#90DayChallenge

February 2015 - NOW
#90DayChallenge

February 2015 - NOW
#90DayChallenge

February 2015 - NOW
#90DayChallenge

With Love, Jan

90 Day Challenge

From Last Year to Now

Before I share about the 90 Day Challenge I began at Life Time Fitness, I wanted to honor where I was a year ago.

Last year I shared The 100 Pound Lesson Blog and Vlog. This was an act of love and courage to combine the threads of my life and weave them into a fabric of the life that I am now living.

Focusing on where I was to where I am at, I not only focused on the physical, mental and emotional pieces that had transformed, I also shared where I was at. I measured my body and weighed 198 pounds.

January 2014 and January 2015

I've transformed an additional 30 pounds and discovered my love for cooking and took on a 100 day Journey of Nourishment.

The 90 Day Challenge

On January 26, I signed up for the 90 Day Challenge at Life Time. Today I weighed in at 175, completed a push-up and squat count in 1 minute and received my additional support information from my trainer Cil.

I'm proud of myself for signing up and being willing to explore where this journey will take me. I also look forward to sharing this with others. Honestly, I don't know where this will lead me, though I know it will indeed bring me what I need, lead me to where I need to be and that I will learn something about myself.

#90DayChallenge Wrist Band

Work It Girl

Me and my trainer Cil - taking a "Cilphie"