Today's intention:
I accept all of my emotions and can express them appropriately when the occasion arises.
(I was going to start this next paragraph off by saying, "people that know me now, may not see this as an obstacle for me." And then I was going to say something about "people that have known me for years, one's that have known me in my darkest, might just agree that this is something I can improve on." And then I realized, even as others may think these things, acknowledging where I am at matters most. The progress I've made and the plans I am choosing to foster growth and healing honor this intention.
In the course of the last few years, how I express my emotions has shifted and I fully support this evolution. I've become more honest with myself, holding true that I am continuously learning. Starting where I could, I began unpacking compartments of my emotional life that I was choosing to say, "I'm ready for this now" and in this, I began deconstructing the boundaries I use to need.
And then there are other pieces, parts of my journey that I'm not yet ready to talk about, to even acknowledge my feelings with and sometimes silence is the only way I can communicate. Because somewhere between trying to do what is most honoring for me and following an old pattern, I find myself stunned into inaction. So I choose, silence.
And though it may look like I'm ignoring quite a bit from an outsiders perspective, inside I'm working hard to acknowledge my feelings, make a choice and release old patterns, while being empathetic and compassionate with others. This is a delicate balance for me, between empathy and acknowledgement. And because of this, I sometimes sit afraid to take any action. Knowing full well that even doing that, standing still, is an action. So how do I say to those engaged in my life that sometimes I do this? How do I ask for empathy and compassion, when I myself, am struggling? And, how do I say, I'm trying?
With Love, Jan
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