Tonight
I write with a quiet heart
The massage I had today
Brought me here
And as I released
That which I no longer need
Tears and laughter came
An afternoon nap settled me
With my orange tabby cat cuddled by my side
I slept and healed
Woke up with a hunger I didn't know how to feed
Though rather than take notice
Food was the choice I made and I justified each bite with "I'm hungry."
Though was I really?
Slowing down would have allowed me to notice
To enjoy each bite, to honor the nutrients and to feel when I was full
But that wasn't what I did
And even as I ate I knew
There's a better way to feed myself
Caught somewhere between
Making a choice and following an old pattern
Trying to observe
Confusion fogged
And there I sat
Even posting this
Admitting that my commitment to honor my body was set aside
Because something needed breathing or love or honoring
Though here I am
I feel disappointed, sad and shameful
And if all I can do tonight
Is share this
That is what I will do
With Love, Jan
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