Happy New Year! What a great time of year to find a fresh start and be inspired to create new things in our lives. While I've never been one to maintain past New Years Resolutions for the entire year, the Inspiring Happiness Project has become a fulfillment of my heart's desire. And
a way to maintain the resolution, connect with truthfulness and evoke passion;
to create long lasting happiness and healing.
The reflection of 2012: A year to Inspire Heart's Desire included an embrace of healing. After years of frozen creation,
the Inspiring Happiness Project kept
shining a warm light that melted icicles from this little heart of mine. Tears
released words I couldn’t speak, choices solidified with truth and hands
created beauty. Finding a world I treasured allowed me to grow and go against
the grain, mingling with beautiful souls and reaching for the stars. As the
world blossomed, this safe haven allowed me to begin to face myself with
compassion and love, to be honest about my feelings, my relationships, my life;
all the sparkles, all the dirt; everything. And with that the inspiration for
this year is 2013: The year of The Whole Truth.
I
surprised myself when I placed the phrase: The Whole Truth on my Vision Board in November. The
Whole Truth requests courage to speak from the heart and to rise up to support
the things I believe in. I am taking time to carefully and delicately
open doors and clean out the closest of my life. To inspect
each outfit and see if it fits with the new life I am creating. Along with the beautiful sparkly outfits that have me feeling great, there are things stuffed into the dark corners that do no longer fit. As I continue to try on each garment, memories and patterns that were forgotten resurface. And through it all I support myself with light and love, to know that with The Whole Truth I am healing.
The Whole Truth #1: The Doorway of Connection
In May of 2011 I participated in a Power of Purpose course; I began opening doors and looking in the closets. In this time, I was able to share my feelings of infertility - a journey I'd been struggling with since 2008. This was the first time words were expressed and it opened everything for me. In May 2012 I blogged about my Journey with Infertility. Infertility had become the focus of my life and the constant longing crashed against the cliffs of fear as I wept for the baby I was unable to create in my belly. As time dragged, I recognized its importance, yet I was disconnected from the depth. Soon, light began to shine and I was able to finally ask “what will a baby bring to my life?" This required an open heart and willing ears, as my patience was tested I unearthed its importance.What parent hasn't been changed by a child? Babies bring new life and create transformation for the parents. I wanted to create a renewed life and find transformation. My inability to have a physical baby not only represented my future, it was my past. Somewhere in my childhood, I hid away my inner creative jewel of a child. I learned to survive, the only way I could, through the experiences that hurt me and the words that tore at my soul by doing the only thing I could to save this treasure - I locked her away. Layers of protection surrounded her as I made my way through the years of being asked to follow rules and make choices that put others best interests first.
As years went by, her memory faded into the corners and I forgot about the charming paintings I created, breathtaking words I wrote and a life lived with unbridled love. These were discarded because they didn't fit the rules. I forgot that I could create a transformed life filled with beauty and healing. But, she would have none of it - she kept knocking trying to remind me of her presence. But it seemed easier to ignore the pounding on my heart, so I stuffed anything into the little pockets of pain. Shopping, vacations, cleaning, food - these all became my way of trying to drown out the haunting voices longing to be loved. I convinced myself it was easier and safer to trust the pain I was creating, than by opening the door to the unknown.
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