What's In A Meal?

I began my cleanse on September 21, 2012

I wouldn't have a thought a meal could only be a nutritional shake. My Treat Yo Self Cleanse has proved that a meal is what provides you nutrients and how I see food has transformed.

      As I began my Treat Yo Self Cleanse, I ate 2 meals and had 1 nutritional shake. This past weekend I replaced another meal with a shake. I'm still working on enjoying the texture of the supplement in the almond milk or juice, but one thing is for sure, it's changed what a meal consists of. The shakes give my body everything I need - amazing!
      It's been an exciting and challenging journey, I'm actually able to give myself this gift. The shakes are easy and accessible. I'm able to then create a single delicious meal, within the parameters of my food guidelines. It's more enjoyable as I eat slowly and carefully; the meal has become treasured gold.  

Feelings Towards Food

     Beyond changing what I thought a physical meal had to be, I've embraced that I feel differently towards food.  I knew being mindful of my relationship with food would be an obstacle, even writing my summary of the first 9 days took encouragement. On day 3 of the cleanse, I had a dream about pizza. Pizza, a food that over the last few years has disagreed with my body. Yet, in the dream, even though I kept eating the pizza I wondered why I was eating it. I acknowledge now that the pizza represented the abilitiy to have whatever I want (even if it isn't good for me) and now I'm taking that away.

Cravings

      On day 7 of the cleanse, food desires came out of my dreams and into real life. I noticed I was becoming more susceptible to little things getting to me. By the end of the work day I had reached capacity and I thought - "I know how to take care of this, let's eat!" I sat with this craving for a meal at Arby's on and off for nearly 48 hours. It would have been easy to say, "it's ok, it's just this once." 
      I was fighting with myself. I wanted Arby's food and I didn't understand why I couldn't have it. I wasn't hungry (even though that was one excuse) to go through the drive-through. I didn't want to acknowledge or feel what was really going on with me. I tried everything to cease the craving: I re-read my blog, cleaned the basement, spent time with my husband; anything to reinforce that I was making a choice. That whatever feelings I was trying to console with food, that the food wouldn't do anything. In fact it would only bury them, literally, underneath food. 

Emotional Eating

      I began to recognize that for even a brief moment, if I was eating, I didn't have to feel pain. Food became safe, it was a coping mechanism and it became a foundation for survival. I never understood this before and now that I do, I can accept and embrace this about myself. I've found the key and now can open myself up to the power to choose, to let the emotions live and to find serenity in both - how wonderful!
      Once I realized this, I was able to explore what was going on. Making the changes I've made have been wonderful, but have also been challenging. As I gain confidence and a comfort level with my new choices, it's easier to talk about. I know I can do this; I just need time to navigate. Oh, and no, I didn't go get Arby's. Once I stopped fighting with the urge and myself, I was able to process what was going on and as it turned out, I was no longer "Thinking Arby's".