I Want

To Celebrate my 22nd month anniversary with reflection and gratitude

To Acknowledge where I was and where I am

To Continue to learn, receive and heal

To Be...

Last July I celebrated a 90 pound body transformation and in reflection, I acknowledge how much growth and healing has filled my life since then. The journey of my transformation has been filled with lesson after beautiful lesson and as I reflect, gratitude for trusting in the heart whispers that said, "give this a try" abound.

Beyond feeling better, the scale and my weight once measured my success, though, soon it shifted when the slightest weight increase would register. Making the choice to step away from the scale on my second day of my GiveIt100.com video was scary, how would I know I was doing well and how would I keep myself accountable? Though somewhere deep inside, I found the courage to trust it by how I felt. Navigating without the scale, was liberating and I'm so grateful for this step.



Enjoying a nourishing meal.

This year, our trip out west had me facing the depth of my food needs. Armed with my Salads-in-a-Jar (true lifesavers) I felt prepared for my nourishment. After researching gluten-free/friendly restaurants, I felt confident in where we'd dine. Though there were times when I found myself requesting my dietary needs, being told they'd work and returning to a moving vehicle feeling ill.

Beyond this, there was a shift in my thoughts around this trip and I found myself saying "I Want... I want to go to the gas station and eat whatever I want. I want to not be sick after certain meals. I want (and so the list goes on)." Suddenly, my nourishment became more about what I thought I wanted than what I truly needed. Though rather than acknowledge the thoughts (perhaps I was just not ready), the "I Wants" gathered in the "I'll deal with that later" pile began. Resentment settled in and in the last few weeks I've been trying to make my way out of the layers of anger and dismissed fury.

My body craved balance upon returning home and in the beginning it felt like I was "starting over." Though really, what I've learned cannot be taken away, rather, I just need to take time to sort through, acknowledge and reconnect with myself.

And this morning, as I noticed a small part of my arm that was inflamed, I knew in my heart, it is time to return home. To return to the place where I flourish, am loved and compassion flows freely. Where I honor and create an authentic relationship with myself, health, food and weight.

With Love, Jan