The Stuff of Unstuffing, Days 1-11

Reflections on Emotional Eating

    On June 1st I set my intention to unstuff: "I've come to realize how much "stuff" I have in my life. Some stuff I love, some stuff I'd like to ignore, but mostly, I see how some of this "stuff" is just hanging about, not really doing anything, but is taking up my space and energy. It will be a journey, with a lot of heart to hearts. I want to create space for emotions (and unstuff the link to food). To make space with financial choices (and unstuff the stress). But most importantly, I want to create | make | and have more meaningful connections (and unstuff isolating and hanging on to fear)!"

    I knew it was it was the right time and that this would be a very important part of my journey. The real conversations with my heart and head have allowed me to discover the boundaries around my physical, emotional, mental and spiritual "stuff". I've come to realize how attached I was. Stuff that makes my heart smile (family time, friendship, baking, blogging) and stuff that makes me sad (not making space for my emotions before taking action, boundaries that stem from fear, eating without mindfulness).

    Usually the idea of letting go, living freely without structure is beyond my comfort zone (and I have been intentionally unstuffing this pattern too!)  I'm going inward to shine outward. Taking time to really be with my thoughts and emotions. This journey started out with a tremendous amount of discomfort. My mind began fumbling for safety (old patterns can be challenging to transform) and in the blink of an eye, I turned to an old pattern: food = comfort. 

    OUCH! Nearly 9 months ago I began my dietary change and have transformed nearly 80 pounds away. I'd grown use to weekly weight loss, but when I stayed the same weight last week, I doubted it all. Did I hit my plateau? No! I knew what did it. I was trying to stuff away my emotions and even though the food fit within my O.M.I. life foods to love, it went beyond nutrition and I slid into addiction. I stopped eating to live and started living to eat. I'd ping-pong between the cupboard and fridge and back again. The salty  |  sweet  |  salty came up again and again and it all seemed to happen so quickly, I barely noticed it, until the number on the scale registered. 
    It isn't easy to own that my relationship with food is still on the mend, but it is the truth. That I am a recovering addict - a foodaholic and one bite, if done without intention, can push me over the edge. But I won't let this name be a boundary for me any longer, I won't play victim to my own negative self-talk. Instead I'm going to learn how to let love in, to realize the beautiful power I have in the choices I make and to know that I am healing.

    And thus begins my journey with unstuffing. I recognized four areas of my life where I can unstuff. From the physical stuff (do I really need this anymore?) to the emotional stuff (how can I feel into my emotions, rather than stuffing them down or taking action before I'm ready?) to the mental stuff (how can I love myself when my head fills with negative self-talk that only derails my actions, deflates my self-worth and denies my gifts?) to the spiritual stuff (how can I trust that everything happens for a reason and stems from universal love?) And so I share the lessons I've learned, the questions I've asked and the faith to trust in the healing power of this intention.

Physical Stuff 

    11 days ago I began selecting 5 physical items in my environment to donate | sell | or recycle. I plan to do this each day (that’s 150 items by June 30^th) . There was a beautiful sense of the importance of “getting it all out there”. And with a willing heart, I made space in our living room for all the stuff that will be moving on. 
    Now, with 55 items out in the open, I am realizing the boundaries I have around getting this stuff out of the house. I don't actually want the mess, I want it gone (a pattern to unstuff : finding space to have healthy messes). I also recognized that I just wanted to grab all 150 items and be done with it (an old pattern too). But there is something around this and it is more important than I ever imagined. So, am I ready start unstuffing and create space? 

Mental Stuff:

     By being intentional with unstuffing, I am throwing it all in and that includes the fear-based boundaries running around in my head! And in this time of change, many old patterns have resurfaced, asking to be healed. 
     One of these patterns is with food. And even when I made choices that were unhealthy over the last 2 weeks, it happened for a reason right? I needed to understand how deep this connection was and make space to unstuff even more. Yes, I have made beautiful growth with my food transformation and have transformed nearly 80 pounds away, but these 2 weeks of frustration allowed me to realize that this was another part of the journey. I’ve been able to honor and transform patterns up until this point and I couldn’t have dealt with this any sooner than this moment because I wouldn’t have been ready. So, am I ready to start unstuffing the cravings? 

Emotional Stuff: 

    I’ve begun to recognize how my emotional stuff is tangled in with my mental stuff. I want to create space for my feelings, to learn how to feel before I take action. So, am I ready to learn how to unstuff to make space for my emotions before I take action?

Spiritual Stuff:

     I’ve grown into seeing the connection between all things and the importance of being in the moment. Seeing the delicate fabric of love and how it connects and covers us all. Each choice (even the painful ones) are meant for us to learn from. So am I ready to start unstuffing fear to trust love and learn?