The Red Capri's

The Red Capri's in 2012

    Last year about this time my husband and I were getting ready for our 5 night camping trip in South Dakota. We were excited to spend time together, see new sights, pause in the regular day-to-day life and really reconnect with Ourselves  |  Each other  |  Nature. I blogged about this last July: Rejuvenate The Soul - Travel! We saw beautiful landscapes, great tourist spots and had amazing experiences that live on in my heart forever. And we took photographs of it all. Looking back, the memories are just as fond and I see the love and happiness we were sharing. With that I also see 84 pounds less of me now. 

    There were physical limitations then, but I only know can see them for what they were. Hiking for more than a few minutes left me winded, with lots of rest stops. I experienced several migraines, saying it was due to the sun (when it was really my food choices) and my back hurt after sitting or standing for too long. And those Red Capris, a size 28 pant that I bought because nothing else fit and even they were a little tight.
    The trip awoke this beautiful knowing inside of myself, not to see myself as "bad" or "wrong" (even though that was what my ego shouted). No, I just saw myself differently, the same, but more Alive  |  Connected  |  Happy. I didn't know exactly how I would get there, but knew if I followed my Heart  |  Intuition  |  Fire  my journey would unfold before me. I started sending silent thoughts to the universe asking for doorways to open and open they did. Months before this, one of my dear friends shared her experience with a chiropractor she was seeing. I was intrigued, just not ready to know anymore for my own journey, but proud and amazed at her journey I was. After the vacation, next to unpacking and getting back to the swing of things, I asked this friend her who she was seeing. 
    When I knew where my intentions were and felt ready to move forward, Dr. Margaret and I began healing together. She is a chiropractor with holistic gifts to see where you were, where you are and where you are going. I've been Grateful  |  Challenged  |  Blessed to have walked through the doorway, discovering it has been the most real thing I've ever done. Through our conversations I've found healing and ways to learn to release old patterns to love my true self.
    Yes, I knew my health (physical body, migraines, back pain) were connected with my food choices, but I wasn't just going to go on a diet or have a surgery, it just wasn't the direction my body wanted to go to heal. I knew from past experiences had I only done one of those actions, my emotional connections with food and my closet binge eating would only come back. I needed the steps before any of that and even now as I journey with my body transformation and food choices, this learning isn't linear. 

    Life doesn't ever really happen in a step-by-step sequence and honestly, that was how I had been living most of my life. Do one thing, expect the outcome, find frustration when it didn't happen or temporary happiness when it did, repeat. So when my weight started decreasing, I thought when I weigh a certain weight, I'll feel happier. If I heal with my food addition, I'll be healthier. And while those are true and I do feel happier and healthier, up until a few months ago I had been doing it with some heart and a whole lotta head. 
    But that type of thinking had me pause when I implemented a change to the program after 8 months. I blogged about the experience here: The Stuff of Unstuffing Days 1-11 because when the scale didn't register a drop in weight for the first time in 9 months, I realized I needed to go inward. I needed to dive even deeper to really cultivate fertile soil to allow for inspiration and life to blossom. I realized how my step-by-step plan was out-of-date and didn't fit my life any longer. And I started learning (even more than before) how the Universe  |  Angels  |  God were helping me to really do this. That there was something greater in store for me. Yes, this was about my body transformation, but this was also about a real healing and transformation. By being honest, letting go of old patterns and stepping forward into my gifts I began seeing the beautiful powerful. It was also a little scary, I knew it meant my life would forever be changed. That if I choose them to be, my old ways of eating, my old ways of treating others and my old ways of treating myself were over.
    So, you see, this journey isn't easy, there have been holes I've fallen into and sometimes stayed in for a while. There have been times when my choice to stop has been felt and yet, all the while, deep down I believed in myself enough to keep going. But through this journey, I have uncovered my gifts, started connecting with people and have been really feeling the love and feeling better!

The Red Capri's in 2013

    Last night I put on the red capris (the only article of clothing I've kept from that size) and even as I held them up to my body I held my breath. And as they slide right on, I stood amazed at the wonder of my body and how it no longer filled them. How they slide down as I was taking the photo and how my heart filled with gratitude. 

    The love and support I felt and received has been amazing - so thank you! And please know that I would love to connect with you - we are all just trying to figure it out and knowing someone cares is the best place to start. If you're feeling a tug on your heart to start somewhere,  let it be now. Please know that I will offer my love and support for your journey to uncover your gifts and create a life lived fully, but it in the end it is all up to you! It's your choice where you go, who you have supporting you and following your heart.

If you are asking the questions, you are ready to begin.