What Is Love?

"What is Love?" Haddaway

    After last week’s post about Me and My Body, I continue to find myself in heart to heart conversations with my body. Later last week I found myself feeling nervous for our upcoming dance showcase and didn't know why. 

    In the fall of 2011, my husband and I have fallen in love with Ballroom Dance Lessons we started taking at Arthur Murray St. Paul. It's fun to learn something new, increase confidence on the dance floor and as we've learned new ways to move our bodies, our hearts have learned new ways to dance together. With over a year and a half of lessons under our feet, it was finally time to showcase our dance moves on Saturday, February 9th.

Nerves

    I knew I was nervous, my husband knew it and so did our dance instructor. I kept saying I’d be more comfortable giving a speech to 1,000 people, than performing our Tango and Hustle routines. Dance is all about the partnership, trusting they will be your eyes as you step backwards and making dance moves appear at the right time. Both my husband and our instructor have been very patient as I embrace not being able to see where I am going and trust my husband as a leader.  
    I realize now that my lack of trust wasn't in my husband, it was in myself and that this trust was an old pattern. In my blog last week, I talked about what happened when I was 7. Because of this I kept many people at a distance, afraid that something similar would occur and unable to trust that this heart of mine could be safe. 

    This pattern has transformed into nervousness in some social situations, caution when forming new friendships and sometimes even when I post a blog I wonder, "What will people think? Will someone judge me? What will happen if I do this?" So to compensate, I'd find something I could control in the situation, a way to keep myself safe. And if I couldn't find it, I'd close up shop, pack away my emotions and try to just "live through it". It's an old pattern and it has stopped me from doing a lot of things. It almost stopped me from dancing last week (almost). 

    And all this was behind all the nervousness of our dance showcase. And while I’ve only just begun opening myself to explore how trust, safety and control can transform, I feel that while I don't know where I am going, I will learn.  
    Embracing this pattern will allow me to create space in my life to heal. To begin trusting myself in situations and trust people in my life that accept me where I am at and with gentle love support me. 

Love Trust

    On the morning of the dance showcase I woke up and found this sweet note attached to the bathroom mirror from my husband. "I am excited to dance with you today Janet! I love you! XOXO."  

    It calmed my nerves and became a reminder to trust the dance leadership of my husband, as well as the emotional support he is providing. He accepted I was nervous and knew I was stepping outside of my comfort zone with our dance showcase, but with love he lead me to the dance floor. 

What Is Love?

   Our dance performances were wonderful. I found a space to trust myself, the situation, and my dance partner. Throughout the evening, we cheered on amazing performers who love to dance, just as much as we do.
    Our first performance was the Hustle, dancing to “What is Love?”. Bobbing our heads like the Butabi brothers in A Night at the Roxbury, was an instant crowd pleaser.
    Our second performance was the Tango. As we do the corte's and promenades, we don't take ourselves to seriously and often find ourselves smiling. 
    Despite my nerves, I shared the evening with a fantastic date, learned a little lesson along the way and when we hit the dance floor, danced because it makes us smile.