Big, Beautiful Confectionary Wall

Sparkle Cleanse Day 7 - Treat Yo Self Day 46

6 Steps to Sparkle

Inspired by Kris Carr., (2011) Crazy Sexy Diet. CT: Globe Pequot Press

1. Inspiration: Do what feels right and listen to my body.
2. Focus: Techno detox! Yesterday was a cleanse of emotions; today cleanse the need to obsessively check emails, Facebook - a fast from pixels. Change the relationship with technology. Meditate on ways to structure techno time better.
3. Prayer: In this chaotic world, help me find peace, and remind me to limit the distractions that keep me from embracing my self-care. Impossible deadlines and stress create acidity in my body. The world won't blow up if I take a day off.
4. Affirmation: I am calm and light. I am peaceful and easygoing. I find beauty in simplicity.
5. Body Movin': Be in nature, even if it's cold.
6. Tip: No television or internet. Isn't there a great book on the shelf that would love to be held. Books have feelings too!

My Reflection:

      While today's cleanse is a techno detox, I need to share a story for my healing and journey. So I'm following the best tip create: Do What Feels Right! 
      Through stories and dreams my imagination has helped me through many bumps during my Treat Yo Self Cleanse and today was no exception. These stories often help me process the very real feelings I'm experiencing and create a path toward peace and acceptance. 
      Since Friday, I've been processing my feelings towards sugar and yesterday's post: A Little Extra Love opened myself up to these feelings even more. And today as I took time, I imagined the very real wall I've built with sugar. Sugar has been by far been my most challenging food item to eliminate.
      I share this story to help myself, to find support and to accept where I am on my journey; acknowledging that without climbing the wall, I won't move forward.

The Big, Beautiful Confectionary Wall 

      As I was skipping along my new path in the sun and out of nowhere, I ran into a wall and it stopped me from moving forward. Initially annoyed because things had been going so well, I peered at what I'd run into. I quickly became mesmerized with The Big, Beautiful Confectionary Wall - made out of sweet treats, all in beautiful shades of pinks, decorated with sparkles, swirls and pretty pearls. It was breathtaking and being a baker myself, my heart overflowed with joy. Such love and care was poured into decorating and creating such a wonderful work of art. With heightened interest, I looked more closely at the wall. To my right it rolled with the hills and valleys extending far past what I could see.  And to my left, far in the distance I could see an ocean.  
      The aroma began to swirl around me, with a sweet, freshly baked warm vanilla fragrance. My hands grazed over the soft pastries, cakes and frosting, which were soft, but never lost their shape and when I pushed in towards the wall it was solid all the way through - unmovable. While everything was fresh and immaculate, I could tell the wall had been in place for quite some time.
      As I stood in silent amazement next to The Big, Beautiful Confectionary Wall, I acknowledge that it was in my way. That my path was cut short and here's where it ended. If I chose to walk around it - it would take a lot of time, energy and who knows where it will end? Or maybe there was a passage way built somewhere? Or maybe if it rains the sweet sugar will melt and I'll just walk over it?  
      Or maybe, just maybe, what I need to do is grab a rope and climb the wall? My little heart knows this isn't where my journey ends. Even though this wall is beautiful and I could stay there enjoying it, there is something on the other side of the wall - a new part of my journey and I want to see what that is. It's settled, I need to climb the wall! As I raised my head, I peered up and there didn't seem to be a top - not at least in my sight. I became overwhelmed and felt sad, had I come this far to only be stopped by sweet sugar? In a final stand with what was standing in my way and what I wanted for the future I  had a moment of fear and I doubted myself - "it's too big for me to climb!"
      The idea of stopping thudded in my stomach and I wept at the base of the wall. I was disappointed, frustrated and sad. And then the friendly internal cheerleader kicked in: "What?!? You're going to give up now? After everything you've done and been through? You'd rather stay on this side of the wall and yes, you'll see beauty, but you've seen this before - it's comfortable, it's safe, but it's stopping you. Aren't you a little curious about what's on the other side of the wall? 

A Little Extra Love

Sparkle Cleanse Day 6 - Treat Yo Self Day 45

6 Steps to Sparkle

Inspired by Kris Carr., (2011) Crazy Sexy Diet. CT: Globe Pequot Press

1. Inspiration: "Emotional detox symptoms are very, very normal. Irritability and feeling a little depressed and teary is part of the process. You've removed the food vices that covered your pain, the snacks that created a false sense of joy (for like thirty seconds). Good for you! Substances that make us numb out are veils. Wear them on your wedding if you want, but not for the rest of your life. I promise the clouds will clear very soon - but they will come back if you don't do some emotional weeding." 
2. Focus: Me! Put some time aside to rest and refresh today. Take stock of the week and write in my journal about challenges, victories, and any tips that will help in the next few weeks. Use kind language and when done scribbling, go do something lovely - all for me! Mani? Rub? Walk? Tea with a fun friend? "Free time spent without food might leave you feeling, well, aimless. Fill it with experiences that can become wonderful memories. At the end of our lives, memories are all we have. Make a lot of them!"
3. Prayer: May I be happy and free. May I be loving and loved. May I be healthy and whole.
4. Affirmation: Each step is a victory. Each fall is a lesson. either way, I am improving. 
5. Body Movin': Add in a few long luxurious stretched after the exercise routine. Include affirmations with every move. Touch my toes: I am flexible. Twist to the side: I am gutsy. Reach for the sky: I am expansive. Bend over backward: I am lean. Stand on head: I am a great chef! 
6. Tip: Shop! For spinach, not shoes. Make sure to drink enough water, get enough good fats, and chomp greens. Start to notice that I'm less hungry and that I may be loosing weight, but that's a side effect, not the main point.

My Reflection:

      Today I spend time doing two of my favorite things: Decorating and Baking. Anyone who has ever been to my home, knows that the living room arrangement is always changing. With the energy today I focused on the bedroom and artwork. It's always good to see things in a new way! Every six months or so, I will move around most of the artwork in our home and it's always enjoyable.

      I then spent the evening baking a gluten-free yellow cake recipe, mini apple pies with the new tart pans and getting the cake ready for a Cake Push Pop order. As I whipped the egg whites into stiff peaks I asked myself how I feel knowing that I couldn't (or shouldn't) eat the tasty treats I was making? I found a safe place to let myself feel that sad and overwhelmed - I'm doing something I love, but if I ate it - it would harm my body and myself.

      At my last appointment with Dr. Margaret I described the Halloween candy experience; pointed out two new spots of dry skin spots and as we talked further she said it was Candida and it was now in Die-Off mode. This wasn't the first time I'd heard about this, but it was certainly the first time I was 100% sure that this was it. While the first 38 days of my Treat Yo Self Cleanse I'd been doing a better job with the elimination of sugars, although every so often I would chose to have some. Well, I'd feel the effects after I'd eat a bite size piece of cake or candy - something with such a highly concentrated amount of sugar.

      Armed with new supplements, I felt anxious, overwhelmed and disappointed. I felt as if I hadn't been doing a "good enough job" with the cleanse. If only I would have avoid sugar - even more, maybe I would have discovered these symptoms sooner. As I breathe, I know that this has played out the way it should. And it's obvious, the pain I'm experiencing is triggered by something I am eating - it's my body's way of letting me know and I am going to listen. The journey I am on and the changes I've implemented have been transformational and will continue to be. And while I'm going through the Candida Die-Off and it's uncomfortable I'm going to love myself - even more!

Shopping

Sparkle Cleanse Day 5 - Treat Yo Self Day 44

6 Steps to Sparkle

Inspired by Kris Carr., (2011) Crazy Sexy Diet. CT: Globe Pequot Press

1. Inspiration: If weekends are traditionally designated as the start of two days of indulgence and sleeping in. Some strategic planning on how to handle the festivities with friends that in the past led to eating crap. "Celebrate your spirit without overindulgence."
2. Focus: Plan responses to any weekend requests that may be challenging. This way when the urge rears its savage head, the response will be ready. When the going gets tough, the touch get grounded! Take a moment to feel my feet on the floor, be aware of my booty on the chair, take a few deep breaths, and let the temptation pass. Ask: "what do I really want?" Chances are it has nothing to do with food. Maybe it's a hug or a nap or a talk with a trusted friend? No matter where you have this conversation - have it.
3. Prayer: May I my shine without dimming it. Help me socialize with integrity. By setting an example, I inspire others. Remind me when I forget and fill me with holy shazzam discipline.
4. Affirmation: When I put my mind to it, I can do anything. I am Wonder Woman and I wear bulletproof cuffs. I am able to wrangle my cravings with my Magic Lasso and remove them via my Invisible Plane - I'm in charge! 
5. Body Movin': Meditation doesn't mean relaxation. Meditation is work! Spend time doing this.
6. Tip: Dine with the divine... Try to finish the last meal three hours before bed. "Your body repairs at night. Don't add to the burden by making it digest as well."

My Reflection:

      Spending today with my cleanse was truly inspired. What a loving and joyous gift to give to myself. Doing what I love and loving what I do - makes every moment reflecting, sharing and listening worth it. There have been so many moments of pure happiness, where I feel connected and alive.
        Doing the Treat Yo Self Cleanse is the best decision I've ever made. Not only does my stomach no longer hurt, my headaches have seemed to disappear and the actions I used to take to cover up my feelings with food are shifting. I'm so much more aware and in-tune.               As I went grocery shopping today, I allowed myself time! Time to read each label, to search for what will work with my diet and a lot of patience and love. When I'd feel overwhelmed that the product I wanted had high fructose corn syrup (peanuts, stewed tomatoes), I'd breath deeply and move on.
         It won't stop me from eating - I'll make an adjustment. Overall this shopping experience was much better than my experience at the beginning of the cleanse. At first it felt overwhelming and I was sad at all the foods I couldn't have. Now I see the foods I can eat and how thrilling it is to find new foods to enjoy.      
      Oh and I also tried the neti pot I referenced in Day 3 of the Sparkle Cleanse this morning. It was an odd sensation, but it certainly cleared the sines in a safe way. Helping move toxins on and out was a great start to this Wonder Woman day!

Taking Time

Sparkle Cleanse Day 4 - Treat Yo Self Day 43 

6 Steps to Sparkle

Inspired by Kris Carr., (2011) Crazy Sexy Diet. CT: Globe Pequot Press

1. Inspiration: "Remember when we were kids and we imagined we'd have our very own amusement park, along with two pet dinosaurs and a rocket for getting to school? Not only did we think it, we believed it to our core. Then one day a ninny of a neighbor pierced the dream with really dumb words: "You can't own a rocket or a dinosaur. That's just silly." Your response: "What?" Followed by tears and disillusionment. Likewise, the new you may scare people because it forces them to look in the mirror. You may start hearing the voice of negativity from friends, family, and acquaintances starting about now and continuing in the future. Don't let the judgement of others who are less supportive of or puzzled (and maybe threatened) by your new lifestyle bring you down. Understand that they just don't understand. Reassure them that you're happy and getting healthier. Do it nicely, with love"
2. Focus: "Let my goals, no matter how big, be and feel real to you. Suck them in, smell and lick them. You have nothing to lose! Oh, and release the ninny. You may still be holding on to her words even though she's long gone from my life."
3. Prayer: "Please help me locate my inner rebel. May I become a trailblazing leader, not a follower. When I stand in my fully actualized glory, I encourage others to do the same."
4. Affirmation: "I have unlimited health, spiritual wealth, and happiness now. I am precious and I have so much to offer. The world needs me today." 
5. Body Movin': "You have a butt, so shake it. How many minutes can you spare? Let's try thirty-five! Hula would be very fun, don't you agree? Notice your breath as you exercise. Are you holding it or breathing too shallow? Combing deep breathing with exercise stimulates your lymph system and helps move toxins out of your body. Now that you adore your neti pot, you probably love the sinus ease it creates! Breathe, baby, breathe!"
6. Tip: "Snack on sunshine... Why can't you take a twenty-minute sun break for some free Vitamin D?"
    

My Reflection:

      On Wednesday, I had a Pants Party Breakdown (a.k.a. the pants I wanted to wear weren't washed and the pants left to wear weren't fitting as well as I'd like). Because of this, I lashed out, was overwhelmed and got angry.  
      What was going on?  I paused, took time to journal and realized that I need some time to connect; to understand where this reaction came from. So I listened. I planned a day off from work and let myself connect. The morning greeted me with sunshine and introspection, as I sat cuddling with the cat, drinking my shake I spent time with pen and paper. Valuable insights were scribbled onto the page and when I went to my appointment with Dr. Margaret at Traditional Healing Arts I was ready and willing to explore and find healing. There were so many wonderful and amazing things that happened. In this space I feel safe to feel all of my feelings and to find answers. I'm grateful!
      When I came home I celebrated the progress I made, the connection I felt and enjoyed making delicious gluten-free lettuce wraps with rice, green beans, zucchini, peppers, onion, and chicken - yummy!
      We then shook our booties, dancing the Tango, Rumba, Triple Swing and the Hustle at Arthur Murray. 

Feelings About The Cleanse

Sparkle Cleanse Day 3 - Treat Yo Self Day 42

6 Steps to Sparkle

Inspired by Kris Carr., (2011) Crazy Sexy Diet. CT: Globe Pequot Press

1. Inspiration: "You may have hit your first real wall today. Brava! Hit it and then climb it, champ. It's really just a speed bump. You may feel some physical detox symptoms, such as fatigue, headache, a foggy brain, skin rashes and muscle weakness. That's okay; it's normal. Your body will jump at the opportunity to remove stored toxins. This is training wheels week, so stay where you are and grin and bear it."
2. Focus: "In your mind's eye, imagine how good it feels to start something new and see it to completion. For a minute or two, while closing your eyes and picture a colorful calendar. Watch as you check off each day of the cleanse with a green marker. Let the joy wash over you as you usher your accomplishment into your tissues. You did it! Now open your eyes and know that you will do it, to the best of your ability at this time. The only failure is inaction."
3. Prayer: "Allow me to let go of the restraints and get out of my own way. I am as free as I will let myself be, and I could really use a gentle reminder (and perhaps a flick on the butt."
   
4. Affirmation: "I am so frickin' cool and delicious and pretty and witty and sharp! I love every inch of me! Who wouldn't?"
5. Body Movin': "Work it, girl, work it! Your lymph system needs you.  Hey, cutie, this is also a great day to play with your neti pot. Your sinuses and lungs will bow to you."
6. Tip: "If you're jonesing for a frappuccino or Cinnabon, refer to tips for cutting cravings down in chapter 3. Remember sugar taxes your immune system and is highly addictive."

My Reflection:

      After the awareness I had with the bite of Halloween candy yesterday, beaming with pride, my heart sings as I've fine tuned my body and mind towards food. As I continue with my cleanse, I am able to know what is and isn't good for my body. 

      As I lunched with a new coworker today, I sat drinking my shake and we reflected on what was happening in our lives. As I spoke about my Treat Yo Self Cleanse he asked me, "how I felt about what I'm doing and the transformations I've created." It took me a moment and I said, "awesome". And he looked at me politely, with support and said, "Awesome is a concept, Jan. How do you FEEL?" I paused. 

How do I feel about what I've been doing? 

      Honestly, I needed to take time with this. There was a part of me that knew how I felt: elated, grateful, joyous, connected and yet there was another part that didn't want to acknowledge these feelings. Somewhere in my life, I felt the strong need to avoid my feelings, never allowing them to fully blossom. That my feelings (whatever they were) were unsafe to acknowledge. That it was easier for me to ignore them or stuff them down with food, than actually experiencing the breathe of my feelings.
      Fortunately Dr. Margaret at Traditional Healing Arts is aware of this tendency and has been working with me to feel all my feelings. With initial resistance, I knew there were painful memories and feelings buried beneath the layers. And how could I actually feel them, wouldn't it hurt and wouldn't something bad happen? With Dr. Margaret's continue support and patience, I willingly come to her space with a desire to understand why I do this. I've begun to open up, to feel my feelings and to know it's OK.
      The words above were written by Dr. Margaret on an ordinary piece of paper. But when I saw them, I was relieved grateful. The piece of paper is now displayed next to my night stand as a continual reminder before I sleep and when I wake that "I can feel my feelings." I'm ready to explore how I feel and with a list of words describing emotions I am eager to connect fully with myself.