Week 9: + The Head and The Heart

Here's a compilation of Week 9:

The Head and The Heart

Across from me in the cozy, leather banquette, sat my life coach
She, willing to support my journey
I, willing to discover the answer of my heart
And trying to calm the answers from my head

The question was,

What do you need right now?

Clear and true, it rang within my space

Support

What is stopping you from receiving this?

A pause, because I was calling it out 

The piece of me that wants to be right

Where old messages, long since learned, no longer fitting to the life I want to live, repeat

And in this "pause" I discovered more deeply

It wants structure and safety

And while it's gotten me through so much

It doesn't want to be discarded.

And I sat

In silence

Struggling to even call the "pause" by it's proper name

Not able to actually say the 3 letters

Because it would seem, if I did

The life I was living would shift

Her sparkling kind eyes saw me
As I squirmed to mutter the word
With deep belly breaths I said it
Because I knew
If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have spoken the truth
Yet when I did
I felt like my biggest secret was out

~

And so I have a conversation

Between my heart and my head.

2 weeks later and awareness comes in
The light into the darkness, a place no one but I can be
I've been changed

Yet in doing so,
Something new (Or actually quite old, something long since laid down to rest underneath the rubble of extra baggage)
Came forward
A way of coping with the change to structure
And the "pause" trying to do it's best to still be right

No, my friend, Chocolate doesn't really make us "feel better"

I whisper to my head

Nor does eating extra food

Yet, here I've been in a 2 week awareness

And find myself coming home with a cartfull of things that just hurt.

"It's all I know how to take care of you."

And I say,

"Yes, I'm aware of that.

Though my heart knows new ways how to do this.

Tools I've learned that help me build a new foundation of support."

"Then what will I do?"
Ego asks.

And in the most loving, compassionate way

My heart says to my head,

"I still need you! 

You are important for me to plan and process. 

To be with me on this journey. 

To be remembered, honored and respected."

With Love, Jan