Here's my Vlog & 2 Week Video Compilation:
A Little More About Doorways
Maybe some doors stay there, in their place, seen, touched, yet unopened? The door isn't bad or good, wrong or right, it just is. And yes, something is behind it waiting, patiently to be approached. Sometimes it's taking action on something you've always wanted? Sometimes it's reconnecting with others and just because one person has started acknowledging the door, you find yourself faced with an adjoining door, that requires the person to open their door too. This act shouldn't stop you from noticing the door, because even if the door isn't open now, it doesn't mean it won't open later? And maybe there is work to be done on this side of the door before you can pass through it?
With all doors, you know it's shape, size and the details that make it distinguishable from any others and you know it's part of your journey. It's important because you've made it be, otherwise it wouldn't be a door, it wouldn't even be a window, it would just be a time when you made a choice. The doors serve their purposes. They keep out what may be hurtful and keep in what is safe.
My Doors
I have seen many doors in my journey of healing. Some I've been so willing to embrace, open and walk through, others I stand in front of it, angry for it's existence, because I know what lies beyond is where I want to be, not here, in the closed darkness. So I'd fight with it, pretend it's not there and just go about my day. But there simply is no way to continue ignoring it, because before I can reach the outcome, something here, with this door, needs my attention.
I used to think it only needed to be opened, so I'd try to force it, using tools that weren't right. Turns out the doors only opened when I came to them with no more excuses, no more "plans", no more running away or pushing past it. So I'd spend time in front of the door, sometimes moments, sometimes days. And rather than seeing this door as something in my way, I started asking questions. Why are you here? What do I need to learn before I can open you? And I'd wait, with patience being the teacher and somewhere I'd find the key. The answer was always here, within me. Answers come when the questions can be asked. And opening doors only comes when all pieces of ourselves (heart, soul, mind and body) are ready to open them.
I've opened many doors, particularly in the last 3 years. So I know the amount of time, energy and love that surrounds the journey of the self, back to the self. I also know, no one can get you to see, acknowledge and open the door if you don't believe you hold the key. It's oddly liberating, the act of opening a door. Yet I felt inspired last night to do something differently, rather than just opening door after door, what if I paused and reflected on how far I have come and how many doors I have opened? To be an observer to the life I've traveled and to support, love and release any doubts that this life is anything but designed for me.
Yes, I have patterns from childhood, beliefs I've continued into my adulthood that strike blows against my self-worth, body image and the trust in myself to create the life I want to live. Yes, I have relationships in my life where there's a door and it's closed and only the act of time, patience and love will open it. And yes, I have things I want that aren't in my present life and though it can be painful, it's a reminder that I do indeed want them, yet it isn't going to stop me from being happy now.
The Pink Project
Yesterday I began noticing a new door. The door is a rosy pink, with a fuchsia pink handle and trim. The top of the door is rounded with a peak in the middle. I can tell it's been there for a while, though yesterday I only noticed it and what I recognized was the inspiration that came forward. That maybe pink, it's color, it's presence and it's meaning are all here for me to see something within my life in a new way. So I began posting pictures of me, wearing pink within my social media world. It began slowly and soon I found myself sharing over 40 pictures. So I'm going to keep doing this, because in my heart, it feels like the best thing to do, a way to honor my journey of what was and celebrate what is.
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