The Exercise, Part 3

Let the Conversation Begin

So I've been blogging away on my exercise journey. Part 1 and Part 2 needed to be written before I could write this. It was my honoring of the doors and as one of my friends mentioned,

"I like that there are handles on those doors. There is sense of getting a grip, positive control and direct action to get a direct result opening and closing said doors."

So I now find myself here, eager and ready to share what I have been doing, how I've been and that I've not only seen the doors, I've turned the handles.

An Opening of Doors

For 2015, I set an intention to Discover Body Movement. Though it was before then that I knew the direction I was headed. Late last year I had two sessions with Emily Hall. She gifted me the opportunity to listen to my body's wisdom, to see many doors and open them. As it turned out, that what was beyond the initial fear, was more of me to love.

What I will share, (though trust me, there is more to write about those two experiences,) is that I got to see the way in which I've been doing my healing work from a new perspective. Energy and focus was poured into connecting with my mind and heart. And with much love and gratitude my spiritual practice has blossomed. And while I have physically transformed 130 pounds and many painful body symptoms decreased, I haven't focused much on my physical self, I just didn't know why.

The Dinner Guests

Imagine a dinner table of 4 guests; body, heart, mind and soul. Each guest has brought their strengths, vulnerabilities, truths and perspectives. They come together connecting on their discoveries; celebrating, expressing gratitude and seeking support. As it turns out my body guest was timid and shy, even afraid to step forward. Or perhaps the other 3 were talking and doing so much, my body self knew one day, it would be time to be the guest of honor at the dinner table.

Trust the Body

I remember driving home from the gym and this bit of wisdom floated up to my consciousness: Trust the Body! Tears streamed down my face, because I realized that wasn't what I had been doing, not fully or intentionally. That somewhere along the way, even as I transformed 130 pounds and focused on feeling good with what I ate, I didn't trust my body.

That lack of trust came from a part of me fearing I might gain weight again when changes were made in my life. Wasn't it my body to blame for my weight and the pain of allergic reactions to gluten, dairy, grains, refined sugars and soy? And wasn't I also doubting that I was truly worthy of this journey?

Yes, I praised and honored my body transformation, though I did a fair share of silent punishment too. What I discovered by opening those doors with Emily was that I'd been punishing myself for a very long time. Because I was trying to forget, shove down and disregard these painful pieces. The doors had kept me safe, until one day I would have enough strength, courage and a loving companion to walk beside me as I opened them. Behind the doors were experiences that happened to my body, happened to me and those moments changed the way in which I saw and felt and me, my body and my life.

Keep Trusting

While I don't condone what happened; I'm actively engaging in accepting and forgiving. I've punished myself long enough for something that happened to me, not something that I deserved or caused. By seeing those experiences for what they are, forgiveness, compassion, trust and love are being reestablished at the dinner table.

As I move forward, the energy at the dinner table has shifted. All guests are honored, engaged and participating. Forgiveness is the appetizer, Compassion the main course, Trust the dessert and Love in all of it. Together, the collective, mind, body, heart and soul will begin anew and that's a beautiful thing.

With Love, Jan