Words

My Life is Filled with Words

Written, spoken, thought provoked. As they swirl around me, sometimes there are just too many and I desire a moment of peaceful meditation. With the start of the New Year and 2014 being the Year of Support, I venture into the world of my words. 

Can what I say and how I say it make me happier? 

Can using more loving, gentler words allow me to feel supported in my life and experiences?

I venture in, knowing not where the road will lead; trusting in the ignited passion to see what beautiful things come forward.

Vision Board 2014: Imagine a Year Happy & Healthy

As I was creating my vision board for 2014, I continued to ask myself, "what is best for my essential self?" And as I reflected on my previous board, I asked, "what am I ready to release?" With a quiet heart, I began exploring the impact Positive Affirmations could have on my life.

I placed words that meant something and this year my intention is to Support myself and create a Happy and Healthy year in all that I say and do. I do this by honoring what makes me unique and beautiful. My previous board was created in November 2012 and was 2 months into my dietary (life) transformation and just opening to self-awareness. A lot of what was on that board was 

who I thought I needed to be.

 And now 13 months later, I find myself asking 

how do I want to honor who I am?

One of my favorite pieces of this board is the interactive cards. Each of the pieces of paper with a "J" have a Positive Affirmation for various topics including; Health, Forgiveness, Friendship and more. Each morning, before I head into the world, I take a moment and choose a card to read. It's my way of showing up and helping to set a more mindful tone for the day.

Labels

As I mentioned earlier, there are pieces that I want to release, because they no longer fully support my essential self. Some of this are Labels and while these were self-imposed, I'm releasing them. There are phrases I've said to make pieces of my life “ok” maybe for others, but mostly for myself. Trying somehow to normalize and clarify what I am going through. I needed these words to feel safe and where I used to find comfort, I now find shame. It took me many years to even begin talking about these topics, to accept these labels as the state I was in and now I’m asking my whole self to create a different way to describe these experiences.

Infertility

That is at the top of my list. It took years to even talk about it and finally when I did, I found I wasn't the only experiencing this and somehow that brought me comfort. And because I talked about it, I soon found myself wearing the label “infertility” like a badge of courage. As I begin to rip at the seams of the tear stained fabric, I find myself wanting to call my experience something else. 

Infertility is real for my husband and I. My body is not able to conceive and while there are medical tests that could touch on why or treatments we could try to make it not so, I have looked deep within myself and trust within my life there is a reason for all of this. Maybe there is some bigger plan that I am not yet consciously aware of and I trust that it is happening as it was meant to. 

It's taken me years to get there, to be able to be wanting something, yet aware that there are limitations with it and I get a choice in how I accept it. While I don't know what I want to call this desire in my life, I am willing to admit that the label "Infertility" has held me hostage and I want freedom.

Emotional Eating

This one touches so many areas of my life and in the last 15 months I've focused on healing this piece. Sometimes I find myself making the choice to eat, rather than support the delicate emotions that have surfaced, though as I navigate, I find a well of support in myself. It was always there, just under the surface, waiting for me to discover this. Part of this support includes reframing how I see myself, food and my emotions. I often called myself an "emotional eater" as if this provided some "get of jail free" card. I used it as an excuse and going forward it will be my awareness, not my excuse. If I notice that is why I am eating, I'll acknowledge it and as I continue to do this, it will become easier. 

Intentional Changes

I talk about making these changes because I want to see 

if by changing

how and what

I say

it makes a difference. 

When I'm ready, I will be able to describe these life experience in words, though for now, they will live, without labels or judgement or excuses and as I heal in this year, myself, and all pieces are supported.

Love, Jan