Skinny Jeans

7 Months Ago

     My body weighed 300 pounds and I wore a size 28. I had health issues, low self-esteem and was disconnected from living my life's purpose. I didn't shop for clothes to honor my curves; I bought them to hide in.

    I don't know when the exact moment came that I began reclaiming my journey. But what I do know is that I made a choice and began listening to my heart. Working with Dr. Margaret Mitchell allowed me to finally accept support and on September 21, 2012, I began transforming what I eat, how I eat and I took the chance and dove into the depths of my relationship with food. Creating the O.M.I. Life has allowed me to do what I never thought possible.
    By remaining dedicated to eating O.M.I. Foods to Love, I have found new favorite dishes and baking gluten-free, dairy-free and refined-sugar free has been so much fun to explore. I still like baking with "traditional ingredients" I just don't eat them.
    I stopped making excuses for emotional eating and started eating from my heart. What foods will REALLY make me happy? Rather than eating, what do I need to heal? I stopped thinking I couldn’t do this or that or the other thing and started doing more. And even though I need to continue to read labels, ask for accommodations and stay in check with it all - I feel better. There wasn’t a miracle pill and it wasn’t just diet and exercise (Yoga Booty Ballet) that has helped me transform 68 pounds away. And yes, this journey has been frustrating and doubt has crept in thinking I couldn't do this. Yes, I have been concerned about what I would eat and how I would handle the emotional pains that came up if I didn't have food to comfort it. Yes, I still have challenges. But I kept at it, I kept accepting support, sharing my story and once I stopped making excuses, started showing up and committing to the choices I was making I noticed how my body felt and how I felt in my body. There has been something about the work, the emotional ups and downs, the realness of this journey and that by really showing up I've been able to really transform this body, heart and soul.

When the Heart Calls

   Being a creative person, it isn't unusual for me to have so many works of love going on that I seem to run out of time in the day to celebrate them all. I've grown used to my heart and know that sometimes what ignites my passion today, may be different tomorrow. So when the idea to celebrate my body transformation with a mini-goal, “when I weigh 230 pounds, I will get my first pair of Skinny Jeans,” I paused. My mind has continued to be my harshest critic and doubted I could reach this goal. Fortunately, my heart kept holding on, reminding me of how important this was and as my body kept transforming, my mind jumped on board.

My Best Cleanse Friend

    With the mini-goal in mind, I soon found myself approaching the goal with ease. I told one or two people about it and a few months later I had a dream where my best cleanse friend and I went shopping for my first pair of skinny jeans and had a wonderful time. I woke up knowing I could really do this and that this friend would be instrumental in helping me reach that goal. 

    I've truly loved the support so many of you have sent my way - thank you! But there has been something different with my best cleanse friend. I let her in and allowed her to see my vulnerable, fragile self and the ego that was desperately holding onto the "Food As Comfort" motto. And through it all, she has let me know my thoughts and feelings were ok. But what I have appreciated most, was her honesty. She was able to help me navigate through dark moments and it was because of this truthfulness I was able to reestablish my intention with my lifestyle change. I remember texting her 20 days into my cleanse when my emotions were raw and the "Food for Comfort" motto was still such an immediate response to compensate for them.

Me: "Remind me why I don't want Culver's? I'm coming up with lots of reasons why I should go get it. Had a tough day."

  Best Cleanse Friend: "Because your body doesn't need it. Your emotions do. But your emotions want release, not food. So what else can you do? 

Me: "Journal. Cuddle with the Kitties. Hug the Hubby."

 Best Cleanse Friend: "And you've come SO FAR, are you going to let one bad day get in the way of your 20 good days?"

Me: "I felt like a failure at work today."

Best Cleanse Friend: "Bad days happen. It's how you let them impact you. Nourish your soul with positivity and take the lessons from today guide you towards improvement not giving up.  

I shopped, I laughed, I bought my first pair of Skinny Jeans.

    This conversation and many others helped me reach this mini-goal. My hope is that anyone who wants to make real changes in their lives can have someone who can be both supportive and honest with you. 
    So last month when I set the date: April 13, 2013 for the Skinny Jean Shopping Trip she was supportive and was looking forward to celebrating with me. I weighed myself the morning of our shopping trip and I was at 231.8 pounds (rather than 230) a number I am still so very proud. 
    It had also been a long time since I had gone shopping with a girlfriend and this shopping trip lived up to the loveliness of my dream. It was more than just a celebration of the mini-goal accomplishment or buying a pair of skinny jeans, it was a celebration of friendship and support.

    I was certainly glad to have my best cleanse friend there, because when I had started trying on the pants I grabbed a 22. This was the size "I thought I was", but skinny jeans are more form fitting and as the sales associate kept bringing me smaller and smaller sizes I was in disbelief. Was this really happening? Was my body able to fit into a pair of pants that were 7 pant sizes down from my starting point at a size 28? As it turns out, yes, yes it is. So, thank you Torrid for bringing the Stiletto Ankle Zip skinny jeans into my life at a size 16 and thank you my best cleanse friend for being there to support me through it all!