Polka Dot Tights

I didn't realize it when I bought these tights, that they were more than just fabric that would cover my legs, they became a doorway into a few lessons of honoring my journey. 

Lesson 1: Shop with friends! They see beyond limitations.

I haven't always enjoyed shopping with others. I felt embarressed or undeserving, so I'd fly solo for most trips. After meeting a dear friend for dinner at the mall, I wanted to grab a pair of tights. This friend came with me and encouraged me to buy my first pair "fancy tights." As I stood debating on what to choose, in one hand I the more Plain Jane pair and in the other the Polka Dot pair. One brought me safety, while the other made me smile. There is nothing safe about a pair of polka dots tights and for me, it was outside of my comfort zone. Thankfully the friend encouraged me to by the Polka Dot pair and I didn't realize it then, how thankful I am that she was there to see beyond the boundaries I had with clothing.

Lesson 2: Love the curves! If it doesn't come from within, it cannot be found.

Somewhere (and I don't know when) I thought a "plus-size" gal like me cannot wear fancy tights (or a lot of other things for that matter). I didn't want to draw attention to myself, let alone my legs. Though throughout my life, I enjoyed shopping and liked having clothes that I felt pretty in, while trying to dress for my figure. I'll admit that wasn't always fun or easy, especially in the last few years before my body transformation. And even while I believe in loving my curves, I reached a point where I could no longer see the curves, let alone love them. 

Transforming 90+ pounds from a body peels away layers and allows the curves to be revealed. I discovered, (along with a lot of other things,) that I have a body shape I enjoy and am proud of. Clothes that used to fit (even sometimes snugly) now fall to the floor. And in my transformation, my clothing has also transformed. Though there was something more important that was transformed, I began opening to the idea that if I could love myself, where I am at, the weight or pant size really doesn't matter. What matters is how I feel about myself. If I felt confident about my outfit, I felt loved. If I wasn't, I felt that too!

Lesson 3: Permission to be Beautiful! I can list a handful of things I'd like to change about my body, but what about what I love?

I'm not sure anyone ever told me not to wear something. Well, maybe when I was younger and kids would tease me? Because I know something happened that causes me to stop myself from really feeling beautiful. And I know this place is deeper than I am ready to explore right now and when I am, I'll be ready. Others have been providing me with compliments and sometimes I am able to accept them fully and sometimes, I have a hard time with it. I keep wondering why I can't see what they see. There is a part of me that believed(s) that maybe I don't deserve to be beautiful. That somewhere I stopped giving myself permission to be beautiful and to be me.

Lesson 4: Make a choice. And trust that each choice will lead you where you need to be.

I'm glad I made the choice to wear the Polka Dot Tights! The permission to be happy, to feel beautiful and to wear what I love, is more important than me trying to guess at what others may think of me. Maybe it took me a few years to begin loving what I wear? And maybe I'm just opening to how I can make the choice to really feel beautiful? And maybe, this journey is just beginning? I made a choice and as I continue on the road of self-acceptance and love, I'll travel with fears, honor them and begin to heal another layer.