Opportunity for Self-Compassion

Friday

I celebrated and honored my 18 month anniversary with my food changes by updating my profile picture on Facebook to this. So many great people sent support and love my way and I reminded myself that these comments are mirrors I can look at when I'm feeling less compassionate with myself.

Yesterday

It's been 18 months since I began choosing to avoid (gluten, dairy, refined sugar, highly processed foods) and since then, they just haven't been in the house. Even as my husband makes more traditional food choices, he remains one of my number one supporters on my journey. He's been in the battlefield with me (sometimes by choice and sometimes because it's all you can do when you live with someone else.) He's played witness to my transformation and has truly been here, along side of me, encouraging and supporting me.

So a few weeks ago when I began seeing Maggie, my holistic nutrition counselor, I let him know, "I'm prepared for things (the way I eat, how I process foods and how I nourish myself) to change again around here." He was of course fully supportive. And even as I've been making salads, adding Nori seaweed, he's added them to his also. He's also been supportive of eating at the dining room table.

Though yesterday something happened as I came home to fill my fridge full of beautiful greens & veggies to batch cook today. As I began loving placing all the nourishing foods away, I noticed he went shopping too. In the cupboard: mac & cheese, in the pantry: ripple potato chips and in fridge: top the tator. And I froze.

I've grown used to seeing these foods in the "real world" and passing them by without a second thought. Though there was something about them being here, in my home, that brought forward a very real fear & I thought, "What's to stop me from eating all of those things? I'm home, no one would see and no one would need to know." 

My husband thought he did something wrong, though it wasn't him or even the foods. It was something inside of me, that had me feeling this way and thinking these thoughts. A good cry allowed for release, though I felt unmotivated to do anything else. I wanted to honor what was going on and ignore it, all at the same time, realizing both can exist next to each other. And while the thought of food came in as a self-soother, I choose to catch up on episodes of The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon (laughter = self-soothing and allowed for space). And after 5 hours (a considerably shorter time frame than it has previously been), I recognized that this was an OPPORTUNITY FOR SELF-COMPASSION.

This Morning

I still feel it, though maybe now, I'm actually FEELING it. So before I get into the kitchen to become a Fearless Food Prepper, because I want to cook with love, I'm sharing this vulnerable piece, going out for a walk and making a choice to nourish myself in another way.

With Love, Jan