I Thought I Needed A New Blog

A few weeks ago the idea for a new blog sparked enthusiasm. "Oh, what great adventures this new blog and I will have." A post saying farewell to this blog was created, as was a welcome post to my new blog. Confident I was traveling the best path for my journey, I shared my plans with my life coach. Everything was going fine until... (insert: dum, dum, dum sound bite). Energy shifted, questions drilled beyond the surface and I discovered something about myself.

Three years ago my blogging journey began here on the Inspiring Happiness Project and while I was unsure of what I would write or where I would grow, I knew this was the platform for something truly beautiful. It took me time to discover my voice, though as I wrote into the darkness, light was revealed. My blog became a sacred place of healing.

What this new blog had to offer was something different. I could stop being reminded of who I was. Stop being "the one" who worked hard to work through her "stuff". And people wouldn't know my past or all of the struggles I had. Simply put: I no longer wanted to wear the badges of courage I'd earned. They only reminded me of the pain I experienced with depression, anxiety, infertility and emotional eating. The self-made prison of shame held me captive and I'd grown tired of needing new tools to increase my happiness. I found fault in my humanness. I'd become so afraid of my realness that I wanted to shut it down and "be perfect".

And so today I write through those prisons. No longer holding myself, my gifts and my light hostage. It's in the vulnerablty to write and courage to share that a light shines brightly and the keys to let me out are found. And while my negative mind talk has me thinking I'll be "rejected, unloved and alone" by sharing that I need to work through shame, perfectionism and honoring my humanity, I've found something else. The truth is, I've been on the receiving end of compassion and love. And I like to believe it's because there are people out there, like me, who just want to know they will be embraced and loved for who they are, even when they are at their most human, beautifully messy selves.

The New Blog

While I'm sure my new blog would have brought me joy and met a need in my life, it wasn't really what I needed. Connection, honoring and embracing my humanness was. One day I'll write on that new blog and when I do, it will because I am ready to do so, not because I am running away from something.

So sweet girl, sweet blog, sweet readers, for now, this is where I choose to write, honoring my past, my patterns and my humanness with compassion and love. Because until I change myself and embody the richness of my life, my gifts, my journey and my humanity, no amount of blogs will fulfill my life.

So I return to my heartglow center with this blog where my intentions shine brightly. 

I want to inspire others to live in their authenticity

To live a passionately curious life.

To encourage growth in areas where one feels stuck. 

To learn new tools to be mindful, self-compassionate and self-loving.

To recognize when a comfort zone has stopped feeling comfortable and trust the process of stepping beyond it. 

To say, "hey, I'm human too. I get opportunities to choose how to respond to life triggers. And here's what I've discovered about myself along the way." 

I want to change someone's life in a positive and loving way. 

What I want... is to change and live mine! 

With Love, Jan Lynn

The Comfort Zone

The Collective We

For a moment allow me to write as the collective "we". While I usually avoid this writing format, it is offering me a sense of comfort (yes, I get the irony).

We LOVE our comfort zones. Their primary functions are to create safety, protection and provide us with certainty. Created by past experiences, we go through life and make decisions for our present life, from the perspective of the comfort zone.

Time goes on and then a Life Shock occurs. **Life shocks are moments that wake us up, encouraging us to grow** Suddenly, what used to work no longer does and we get the opportunity to see the Life Shock from another perspective and wisdom arises: we've outgrown the comfort zone.

The magic (not the truth) of the comfort zone is that we long for the way we used to feel. And because we are creatures of habit, we try to crawl back into the comfort zone. Often, we stay, in the uncomfortable comfort zone (yes, that's an oxymoron), even when it becomes painful.

Because

Who would want to change? 

Who wants to step beyond their comfort zones? 

Who knows they are worthy enough to embrace the process, create a new comfort zone, or better yet, live beyond them?

Here's where the healthy, perspective shifting discussion begins.

Who would choose to stay stuck?

Who would stay in a comfort zone that stopped being comfortable?

Why would we not want to discover MORE of who we are?

My Comfort Zones

Over the course of the last few years, I've faced many of my comfort zones and the work I've done has provided me with tools to live more authentically. In the process, I've discovered this amazing gift of my being; I love to learn, grow and share my experiences. Fortunately the Universe continues to provide me with opportunities to take leaps of faith.

Though I will admit, sometimes I don't see the leaps as opportunities, even though I know it is in my best interest. It isn't always easy to acclimate to the wisdom that stirs inside of me that knows, "it's time to grow." And in my vulnerable honesty, the process to shift my perspective takes time, energy and practice. What I do know about my process, is that with authentic support, nourishment and love, I navigate through the growth periods and come out stronger.

July 2012

My weight, body size and food choices used to be my primary comfort zones. They offered a form of protection, a temporary relief of pain and provided a distraction. The comfort zones were in place because of past experiences I was not yet ready to process through. When I began my body transformation in September of 2012, I faced my comfort zones again, and again, and again. Because food is essential to living, every meal became an opportunity for me to choose nourishment and connection, over frustration and avoidance. Naturally, as the layers of the healing process began, my comfort zones stopped working and started hurting. What I needed was to wholeheartedly believe that by stepping beyond my comfort zones, I'd discover a better way to live.

The Perspective Shift

April 2015
The Perspective Shift

I've become familiar with my growth process and can feel a new layer rise to wake me up. With this awareness, I asked for support and received a new teacher in my life. With full heartfelt gratitude, I honor the connection that began as I began working with Aaron, my life coach.

The Universe presented the teacher that would compliment my strengths, encourage my growth and would help me to live in abundance. I've flourished, discovered and harnessed new ways of living because of the work we engage in. And what I love, respect and sometimes get frustrated with (though, again, that is what I like about the process) is that I am challenged to see my comfort zones for what they are, to tell the truth and step outside of them to grow. Depending on how honest and willing I am to ask for support, the lesson learning and time of growth can be seen in one of two ways:

Is this experience happening TO me?

Or 

Is this experience happening FOR me? 

Regardless of how I choose to see it (albeit the first feels limited, icky, dark and deep, while the second feels bountiful, bright and makes my heartglow) my life coach is there to help me work through each phase, shift the perspective and make choices that align with my authenticity.

If I've learned anything from my body transformation, the growth process is filled with surprises, takes time, energy and most of all requires PATIENCE. So as I continue forward, courage, compassion and honesty surround my intention to live in my authenticity.

Photo Courtesy of:
http://www.lovethispic.com/image/48988/you-make-mistakes

With Love, Jan

The Big Climb

21 Days Until...

A few weeks ago I was climbing the stairwell in my work building and after reaching the 5th flight of stairs I was grateful to badge in on my desired floor. Upon exiting the stairwell, with winded breath, I said, "I'm glad I don't 'have to' do the Big Climb." 

Well, if you've been following me on Facebook, you know that I am actually doing the Big Climb on April 18th. That I've committed to climbing 48 flights of stairs and raising money for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. That I reached my financial goal week 1 (of course, more is always welcome). That a team has been created called The Capellavators (said with an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent). That I've been attending a weekly work out specifically geared to condition our bodies for the climb. And that I've met some amazing people through the process. 

None of those things would have been possible had I let that initial thought on the stairs stay with me. Had I lived in a "have to" world, rather than a "choose to" world. And that by making another choice, I was able to live beyond my comfort zone and try something new.

Because I practice and focus on living a holistic life, I see this Big Climb as yet another opportunity for me to challenge myself and grow. Even though I joined LifeTime Fitness in early January, climbing 48 flights of stairs takes my fitness, stamina and drive to a whole new level. I've stayed focused in the present moment and haven't worried about (well, ok, maybe a few times) "how am I going to make it up all 48 flights?"  I've focused on knowing I will make it one step at a time. 

Someone shared how blood cancer has affected their life and how grateful they were that I was doing this. It became clear to me that this climb wasn't just about challenging myself in a new way, it was about connecting even more deeply with the purpose. That these connections would keep me moving forward on the stairs, when my body and mind may want to stop. Connecting my heart in the process only furthers on the abundance in which I view my own life and now get to make a difference in someone else's. 

If you want to donate to support me and the The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society,Donate here: http://www.llswa.org/site/TR/Events/MNBigClimb?px=1737109&pg=personal&fr_id=1491

Meeting Pat with The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society

I mentioned the amazing people I've met and conversations I've had that NEVER would have happened had I stopped myself from saying "Yes" and showing up.

Yesterday I had the honor of meeting Pat Gail with The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Our souls danced together in a brilliant light, truly, words can only skim the surface on how amazing it was to connect with her. She's out there making a difference by the work that she does with passion and authenticity and that inspired me to keep shining and doing my work.

I also made a new friend in the process and honestly, this is the way in which our friendship was meant to be founded. I remember when we were both considering doing the climb. We both knew somewhere beyond all the doubts that we were meant to do this climb. We both wanted an accountability partner and as it turns out we found friends too. Her determination and enthusiasm to make this experience rewarding has been yet another beautiful gift I am only too happy (and grateful) to receive. 

So, here I go, prepared in many ways for what lies ahead in the next 21 days and also completely trusting that exciting and new experiences will happen along the way and I'll take each One Step At a Time!

With Love, Jan 

A Year Ago

A Year Ago

Had you told me that I would transform an additional 30 pounds by EATING MORE FOOD, I would have laughed. Or had you suggested I learn from a new teacher, I wouldn't have believed you. Had you told me I would learn how to love cooking, I would have doubted you. And had you told me that I would uncover even more about myself by examining my relationship with food, I would have stopped in my tracks.

A year ago I began my 100 Day Journey of Nourishment. With the support of Maggie Christopher, a holistic nutrition counselor, the GiveIt100.com social media platform and my own willingness to explore, I began creating an authentic relationship with my health, food and weight.

Inner wisdom let me know my 100 Day Journey of Nourishment would be a powerfully healing experience. With a few outcomes, though mostly focused on intention setting, I learned valuable lessons through my 100 days. Creating a daily 10 second video and then sharing them weekly here added to my healing like no other and beyond what I thought it would. It kept me accountable, kept me moving and kept me honest with myself.

Let's Keep Traveling Together

The 100 Days with Maggie was a jump start on my path as a Wellness Warrior, though one could say, it began long before I was consciously aware it was. To support my continued path, once a month, I sit across from Maggie in her 3rd floor St. Paul office. The comfortable cream love seat with beautifully embellished teal pillows support me body, while Maggie sits on what I can imagine is an equally comfortable chair, next to the fire place and supports my head, heart and soul.

Tomorrow Maggie and I will walk together in sacred trust to explore where my journey has taken me in the last month. We'll talk, because that's what is needed, in a way where I feel safe to journey further on my path.

I'll talk about how last week, in response to stress, I indulged with chocolate. And while chocolate in moderation is delightful, it was in the over indulgence where something shifted. I'll share that I was eating more than what feels best for my body and how I found a way, after having a migraine on Monday to reset the equilibrium with my authentic relationship with health, food and weight. As it turned out, I wasn't being all that nice or loving to myself.

And for all of these pieces, the roads we've traveled, side by side and the roads we have yet to explore, I thank you Maggie for being a guiding light and allowing me to shine!

With Love, Jan

Before There is an After

I've gone back and forth on sharing these photos. The myriad of reasons only is keeping me in a box that I'm no longer comfortable staying in, so here it goes, stepping outside of my comfort zone!

Rule #3: Photo Submission

One of the rules for the #90DayChallenge is to take "Before" photos wearing the sea foam green wrist band. These will be submitted at the end of the 90 days with the "After" photos. The problem I'm having isn't with following the rules or even creating and sharing "Before and After" photos. The issue I'm facing is that I don't have the "After" photos yet, I haven't reached the end of my 90 Days and well, I'm showing more of myself.

Afraid that I'd be judged, criticized or laughed at, I wanted to wait until AFTER the 90 Day Challenge. I also wanted to wait until I had a side by side comparison, the proof that I have made progress. Because I wanted certainty that the #90DayChallenge has indeed been "worth it." But, I'm not there, in fact it's only in the first week of the challenge.

Love My Body, Love Myself

I am focusing on going to the gym, participating in a group fitness boot camp and supporting myself to make a change. With my primary intention to transform, PERIOD. The physical changes will manifest as I work out, my muscles will become defined and strong, though what I also want, is to transform HOW I feel and WHAT I think about my body.

When I got my "❤ This" tatu, that was my physical manifestation, my "finish line" so-to-speak of my journey with loving my arm. I worked hard to embrace the beauty, to shift the energy and this was a process. I was asking myself to STOP with the negative and hurtful and START with the positive and loving. 

So now, here I am, sharing the start of my journey and asking myself to make a shift and love myself even more.

Listen, I know what you might be thinking, "you've come so far and you're still criticizing yourself?" Yes! I still spend time, granted it's become less, criticizing my body and myself. Yes, I know I went from a size 28 to a size 14, that I've transformed 130 pounds and that I feel and look so much better. Though there are parts I cover up, intentionally, because they hold a place of shame for me. My stretch marks, my stomach that looks one way when I stand and another when I sit and my thighs that hold extra skin. It's all there, the things I say and the feelings I have about my body.

Reclaimation

This post is about shifting the negative and hurtful and pouring in the positive and loving. To celebrate where I am at today and rather than "waiting until... (I've reached the 90 days or I've seen a physical change.)" I'm sharing, today. I'm done waiting, because I know I'll be missing out on something really beautiful in this journey of mine, if I do.

Yes, I know this 90 Day Challenge will be work. It is a process of shifting energy and honestly, I don't know HOW I'll get to the end. Equally, I don't know WHAT I will learn, WHO I will connect with, WHERE I will grow or WHAT roadblocks I'll encounter, HOW I will overcome or WHAT amazing new opportunities will present themselves for me. The only thing I know, is that I'm showing up, willing to transform.

With courage, I share the "Before" there is an "After".

Before I've reached the finish line of my 90 Day Challenge. 

Before I know and understand how important this journey is.

Before I have transformed how I feel and what I think about my body.

Here I am.

February 2015 - NOW
#90DayChallenge

February 2015 - NOW
#90DayChallenge

February 2015 - NOW
#90DayChallenge

February 2015 - NOW
#90DayChallenge

With Love, Jan